Lime Green Movie Girl

a pointless update: simplifying.

2012-02-16T19:56:00.000-07:00

"You don't know me. Because I don't have time for people..." - The Wedding Planner

Life is getting the best of me and so I'm trying to cut everything down.

I've changed a lot of things, including e-mail addresses and so I now have to re-follow all of you.

So don't freak out if you lose a follower; you will be gaining it back shortly.

And don't be surprised if I change my url soon and quit with the whole movie quote thing.

Thank you, and good night.

a secret.

2012-02-15T14:43:00.003-07:00

we haven't talked about this before...

because i don't want to depress you...

but i'm allergic to potatoes.

and today, i'd like nothing more than to eat my weight in french fries.

there is no proper substitute.

you should probably ease my pain by eating some for me.

thank you.

"maybe steve got an invitation..." - the wedding planner

what a difference a day makes.

2012-02-15T01:01:00.001-07:00

On February thirteenth I was the third-wheel at the movies.

On February fourteenth I received a midnight text from my long-distance valentine.
I woke up to a voicemail from an eager boy.
I was heart-attacked.
I gave valentines to co-workers.
I gave valentines to strangers.
I was invited on a last-minute hot cocoa date.
I watched the snow fall outside my window.
I intermittently ate chocolate.

Valentine's Day was good to me.

Desperation Day was not.

"Don't you just love love?" - Aquamarine

happy desperation day!

2012-02-13T23:47:00.000-07:00

2012-02-12T20:55:00.003-07:00

"I'm not trying to be dramatic, but I'd rather be shot
in the face than eat this stupid food." - Baby Mama

giveaway winner announced.

2012-02-10T00:04:00.000-07:00

"It's nice to know this thing's good for somethin'." - A Goofy Movie

Happy birthday to my little blog! Three years old and still kicking.

Thanks for joining us.

It's a good thing you snuck your entry in on time Katrina, because you won!

Congratulations! Shoot me an e-mail with your address and I'll have your package sent right out to you. Hopefully the new shirt will help detract from any social awkwardness. ;)

promises to my future husband.

2012-02-09T17:04:00.001-07:00

"We're family, we're gonna be doing lots of dumb stuff together!" - Tommy Boy

Dear future husband,

There is a small list of things I vow to do when we are married. To give you some reassurance, here is that list:

1. I promise to never go to the bathroom with the door open or with you in the bathroom.

2. I promise to never make you buy tampons for me.

3. I promise to never give you "coupons" for things that are free, like hugs. [We've all seen that Modern Family episode.]

4. I promise to help you carry luggage to and from the car.

5. I promise to continually thank you for working full-time while I raise our babies.

6. I promise to refrain from asking stupid questions during any and all sporting events you enjoy.

7. I promise to feed your love of the 80's by purchasing this tie for you.

**Note: All promises are null and void during pregnancy, where hormones may dictate my actions.

prepared and anxious. it is a fine line.

2012-02-09T02:03:00.001-07:00

"I can't control her, any more than I can control the weather." - Sweet Home Alabama

my birthday isn't until the end of april...

but my impatience has it's own brain, so i just booked a murder mystery dinner party with these fellas.

lucky for me, my dream man will finish school the week before my birthday and will conveniently be back in town so i can trick him into being my date.

turning 22 in 2012 will be marvelous.

speaking of birthdays, there are only a few more hours to enter my blog's birthday giveaway.

keys to my heart.

2012-02-07T14:01:00.000-07:00

"You cannot leave everything to Fate, boy; she's got a lot to do. Sometimes you must give her a hand." - Ever After

perhaps you are a boy and are trying to win my heart.

i will give you the two keys to success -- hydrangeas and key lime pie yogurt.

you're welcome.

...

2012-02-06T17:54:00.002-07:00

"Perhaps the greatest charity comes when we are kind to each other, when we don't judge or categorize someone else, when we simply give each other the benefit of the doubt or remain quiet. Charity is accepting someone's differences, weaknesses, and shortcomings;having patience with someone who has let us down; or resisting the impulse to become offended when someone doesn't handle something the way we might have hoped. Charity is refusing to take advantage of another's weakness and being willing to forgive someone who has hurt us. Charity is expecting the best of each other." Elder Marvin J. Ashton

birthday and giveaway.

2012-02-05T12:23:00.000-07:00

"When you fall in love you don't think about what's going to happen, you just go with your gut." - The Women

My little blog was born three years ago on February 10th.

Plus, Valentine's Day is coming. And because I love you, I'd like to send you a gift. So I'm having a little giveaway.

One lucky reader will receive this 'Rapture' shirt I designed: [in the style of 30 Rock]

A bottle of my favorite lotion: [dark kiss]

Two bottles of my favorite shades of nail polish: [Rise and Shine and Go Go Girl]

And possibly some other secret goodies. Like a Lisa Frank sticker pack. Wink wink.

~~If you'd like to win this package, comment below telling me about your favorite actress before 11:59pm (MST) on February 9, 2012.~~

~~One winner will be chosen at random and announced Februrary 10, 2012.~~

Oops, this giveaway has closed. Winner announced here.

normally, I wouldn't do this...

2012-01-31T17:30:00.000-07:00

"...but in your case, I'm willing to make an exception." - The Little Rascals

Sweet anonymous commentor who obviously knows me, but it too shy to give their own name,

1.The movie quote on the post winning was in no way related to the groom at the wedding I will be attending. It was chosen because I had just finished watching that movie before typing that post.
2.Landon is the "best friend" I've ever had and you are correct that he chose the best girl in the world to marry. Which is why I suggested he date her in the first place.
3.They are not the only other couple in the world getting married this weekend, and theirs is not the wedding I am nervous about attending.
4.No, it is not my ex-boyfriend getting married.
5.I hope you have a lovely day, Rachel.

marvelous monday.

2012-01-30T18:06:00.000-07:00

Has today not been the best Monday in the whole world?

I saw an attractive man at the bank today. He smiled at me.
Then I realized it was in fact, a girl.
Awkward.

I got my terribly cute bow in the mail today:

And, I am officially ready for a sweet giveaway coming to you this Sunday!

winning.

2012-01-29T22:16:00.001-07:00

"You're safe. You can relax. I'm not going to kiss you. He's gonna be so sorry he lost you, so stop worrying. Forget the past. Forget the pain. And remember what an incredible woman you are. You do that and he'll realize what he lost." - The Wedding Date

first, that movie is quite lovely. go watch it again or for the first time.

second, you should know that riley really is an incredible specimen. he just offered to attend a wedding with me this weekend since he knows i'm freaking out. mind you, said wedding is three hundred miles away.

chivalry.

third, today was a spectacular day.

linger longer.

2012-01-29T17:46:00.003-07:00

"It's amazing the clarity that comes from psychotic jealousy." - My Best Friend's Wedding

sometimes after church they feed you dinner.

you learn a lot about individual men during these times.

for example, you learn that some boys don't let girls help set-up. they do it by themselves.
this is endearing. not sexist.

you learn that certain males get in line with/in-front-of the girls.
a select few wait to be the last ones.

some boys are dependent on their male counter-parts and do not separate.
others are not afraid to sit by females and socialize.

sometimes the most attractive male sits next to you. his name is christian.

then the most chivalrous sits on the other side of you. his name is riley.

then you realize you're a pretty lucky girl and that you should really marry riley.

sign i am an adult.

2012-01-28T22:44:00.005-07:00

"How you manage to do that every single day without fail; it looks absolutely exhausting, darling!" - Tangled

I floss every day. Sometimes, even twice a day.

Woah, Nellie!

2012-01-27T00:18:00.002-07:00

"Boo, you whore." - Mean Girls

an award and questions.

2012-01-24T23:38:00.000-07:00

"You have to promise you won't fall in love with me." - A Walk to Remember

The adorable Miss Cherry gave me one of those floating blog awards. I suppose I can now say my blog is award-winning. Wink. Ha.

Thank you though, really. I thrive off of compliments and really appreciate these simple gestures.

Protocol is that there are preliminary questions I must answer before I can truly receive the award:

1. What is your go-to make-up product? Covergirl Lash Blast Fusion mascara-- hands down the best I've ever used.

2. What's your favorite fashion trend of 2011? I'm loving, like Cherry, the floral patterned shirts/dresses going around. Definitely in search of one to own.

3. What is your favorite dessert? Mint chocolate chip ice cream. Not mint-cookie or mint-brownie. Mint chocolate chip.

4. Favorite color? I feel obligated to say lime green but really, every thing I buy is red and all my clothes are navy blue, so I suppose it is a three-way tie.

5. What is your middle name? Nicole.

6. What was the last song you listened to? The Truth - Jason Aldean

7. Cats or Dogs? I'm allergic to cats, but even if I wasn't it would still be dogs.

8. One thing I have never mentioned on my blog: How I'm starting a gnome collection which I will force upon my future husband. My future spawn are ashamed already, I'm sure.

I am awarding the lovely Emilee. Cause I wish I was as cool as her.

it's the little things.

2012-01-24T19:47:00.001-07:00

That magical moment when you're finally taking down your bedroom Christmas tree and find your hidden stash of Peppermint Hershey kisses,

and realize you are in love with yourself.

"I usually appreciate my own thoughtfulness." - Serendipity

saltwater.

2012-01-23T13:59:00.001-07:00

There was a time when I never cried. Ever.

The song Christmas Shoes, or The Notebook? Bring it on.

But lately, I cry all the time. Like at everything. Books, music, movies, real-life, happy things.

And you know what? It's not even complaint worthy.

To quote the lovely Meg, "I believe in crying like some believe in exercise. That it should be engaged in often and that it's essential for the health of the body."

Because for the first time in a long time, I feel like pieces of me are falling together. That I'm experiencing life instead of watching time pass away.

" I thought we were going to be just friends." ... "What? Friends listen to Endless Love in the dark." - Happy Gilmore

overboard.

2012-01-22T21:57:00.002-07:00

because the little mermaid is the bomb, and i know this girl's sister.

i've never enjoyed casual dating.

2012-01-19T00:48:00.000-07:00

three dates in two weeks is plenty for one girl, thank you.

"Love note? No! This is gonna be a hate note." - The Little Rascals

to my future husband, during this blizzard of sorts.

2012-01-18T12:20:00.000-07:00

"Our pens have turned to ink-sicles! Our assets are frozen!" - A Muppet Christmas Carol

I expect you are spending your free-time today shoveling the driveways of old ladies...

[image via]

dibs.

2012-01-15T21:52:00.000-07:00

If I ever become a lesbian, Kristen Wiig is mine.

part three of my long, disappointing story.

2012-01-14T22:58:00.002-07:00

"I've been in love with the same girl since I was seventeen." - 17 Again

He was home from his mission, and he called.

He sounded older, and yet completely the same. It was lovely.

A few days later he sent me a message on Facebook.

You're excited to know what it said, aren't you?

Don't be.

It said something like, I get the impression you think we're more than friends?

I didn't think of him that way or know why he thought I did; back-peddling out of that question was an awful kind of awkward.

And it was after he asked that, that we quit talking.

A few months later he sent a text to apologize.

I didn't care, but didn't want him to be re-convinced that I liked him so I didn't keep the conversation going.

A few more months go by and he tells me he's coming into town and wants to meet up. Except that I was leaving town for a wedding...

The next month I got an e-mail from him-- apologizing once again.

And then, one week ago I was at work when he walked in.

I was deeply uncomfortable, but we caught up a bit.

I had heard he was dating someone, and asked about her. He said he wasn't dating anyone.
Awkward moment #12.

Then I had to get back to work and he left.

A few hours later, he texts to ask me on a date.

A date which was just like high school, in a good way. We went to all our classic hang-outs and reminisced and caught up on each other's lives.

It remember thinking how happy I was to finally have my best friend back.

Which is precisely the moment he took me home, and told me the reason he had asked that question when he first got home was because he felt that way.

He sees me as more than a friend, more than a best friend.

And he wants to see where life takes us.

On the list of things I expected to ever happen to me that is pretty much at the bottom. Right below 'kidnapped by a Russian scientist' and right above 'abducted by aliens'.

So... here's the disappointing part:

It had been two and a half years since I had laid eyes on this boy. A fifteen minute phone conversation and a few texts were the only communication we had exchanged since his return.

Our date was a double-date, so even then we weren't alone.

So realistic, cautious Kari has pulled out of this scenario for the time being.

He is a wonderful guy whom I adore. If we lived in the same city it would be different. If I knew he had feelings for me, and not the high-school version of me, things would be different.

But for now while we live hundreds of miles apart, I will just be flattered.

30 Rock

2012-01-13T12:02:00.001-07:00

Will someone please buy me lime green leggings and a t-shirt that says 'rapture' that I can wear on the 21 of December?

public.

2012-01-12T00:19:00.003-07:00

"What kind of person would be so arrogant as to presume the intention of another human being?" - Lady in the Water

so often, the present is judged off of the past.
but how much time has to pass before
any part of it becomes irrelevant?

time changes everything; people, emotions.
shouldn't the passing of time assume
change instead of repetition?

background to a story that will get your hopes up and disappoint you.

2012-01-10T22:19:00.000-07:00

"Do you know what that's called? Serendipity. And you don't mess with serendipity." - New Year's Eve

Normally you cannot shut me up. I like the sound of my voice, just a bit.

But occasionally there are things that surprise me so entirely that I am speechless.

Saturday was one of those moments.

If you have been around for a while, you may remember a time when Nathan was my best friend.

Our friendship blossomed during our senior year of high school; mostly because of our unique ability to rant about everything and to always be on each other's side.

For two years everyone told the two of us we would get married.

Then in May of 2009 he left on a mission to Mesa, AZ.

It was a tearful goodbye, surrounded by the anger and glares of all the girls who had a crush on the future missionary I was hugging.

His departure met a constant stream of letters... until about six months in. Life caught up to each of us and although we still wrote, it wasn't the same.

Fast forward to this time last year.

I began to get excited for the return of my best friend. Sure, I had a new one in Landon, but nothing could compare to Nathan...

I swore off boys. That spring semester was going to be my time to prepare mentally and emotionally, for him.

And then Spencer happened.

In a swoop of dates and words, I had been convinced of a wedding.
[We'll ignore how irrational it was for me to think this.]

Which of course, was not the plan Spencer had in mind. So, a month away from Nathan's homecoming I was heartbroken... so far from put-together.

It seemed all my friends had slowly disappeared over the course of the semester, and so I moved home. To the familiar landscape of all that was mine and Nathan's.

As Mormon jokes would have it, his family had long-since moved away and I knew I wouldn't see his arrival. Yet, my excitement in his being a phone-call away won over reality.

He was coming home.

uh... did that really just happen?

2012-01-07T23:06:00.002-07:00

"I sat down and tried to rest. I could not; though I had been on foot all day, I could not now repose an instant; I was much too excited. A phase of my life was closing tonight, a new one opening tomorrow: impossible to slumber at the interval; I must watch feverishly while the change was being accomplished." - Jane Eyre

I was feeling this last night. Restlessness and excitement.

I almost posted it, then thought, Nothing spectacular will happen this Saturday. Nothing ever does.

And then my old best friend came into town and surprised me at work. I had not seen him since he left on his mission in May of 2009.

He took me on a date which brought back a flood of beautiful memories.

And then at the end of the night, he said words I couldn't have been more floored to hear.

So I stood dumbfounded in my doorway and smiled. Returned his hug and now for the second night in a row, am restless.

So very unsure and confused, but excited all the same.

Who knows what will happen tomorrow?

does this count as judgmental?

2012-01-05T01:28:00.002-07:00

I'm in this movie club; like a book club but for movies.

We just watched happythankyoumoreplease.

Some male gave the following review, which I couldn't resist correcting.

Does the generation above me really not know the difference?

Diabetes is also an autoimmune disease. Which according to him, you can get from unprotected sex...

I have a thyroid disorder which is an autoimmune disease as well. So I'm a virgin with AIDS, according to him.

Head in hands.

This is the part where I start over on my New Year's resolution to be less judgmental.

i may be fake, but i'm right.

2012-01-02T21:48:00.000-07:00

Last week I was sent to an older woman's house to deliver a pizza.

With the instruction to be extra kind.

She requested me to come in -- which I don't normally do, but my boss specified to go out of my way to please her -- so I tried to pull open the screen door but it didn't open. I asked if it was locked.

Frustrated at my incompetence, she told me it was not locked. Just stubborn, and forced it open herself.

I apologized and asked her how she was doing, as I stepped in and took in a breath.

"You smell that? Take a deep breath through the nose. Really let that seep in. What are you getting? Because to me, that's part man-smell, and the other part is really bad man-smell. I don't know why, but overall it just smells like the color brown. Your thoughts?" - Tangled

Cigarette smoke was so tangible, that it was all I could do not to cough or swat the air away from my face.

Instead, I listened as she told me of her near-death experience the night before. How the line from her oxygen tank had filled with water and had nearly suffocated her.

Then she explained that when she called the manufacturer of the machine they were rude and unapologetic; she had to change the line herself.

While asking her questions about getting it fixed, I handed her the receipt which she could not read. So I offered to read it for her, and she became frustrated that I had not memorized her total.

I then gave her the food, wished her well and left.

A few days later, my friend/co-worker Jake delivered to her. In telling me about his experience, he informed me that she told him, he had made her 'tip' list. That 'some girl' -- i.e. me -- who had come a few days prior was completely fake and would not be receiving a tip ever.

She further explained that she used to work for the FBI and was particularly good at reading people, thus qualified to judge my actions in her home.

When he told me this, I was slightly offended. I felt that in spite of her rough demeanor, I had remained extremely kind and positive.

But I suppose, that was a bit fake of me:
to fight the urge to cough and swat the air, when my thoughts had been that she would not need an oxygen machine if she spent less time smoking.

It was fake of me to remain silent as she yelled at me for not memorizing her total, when she had not remembered it herself after hearing it on the phone.

It was fake of me to wish her well, knowing that spending so much time in her home had cost me a delivery and a kind customer who would have tipped me.

Every decision I made in her home was indeed fake, but it was kind. It was fake, but it was sensitive.

It is fitting that I had previously decided my New Year's resolution is to be more tolerant. To stand my ground, but to silently allow others the same.

Next time I take this woman pizza, I will again resist unkind words. I will be just as attentive. I will be more prepared and less judgmental.

I will tolerate her actions toward me, and try in every way I can to change her opinion of me.

"Our obligation to tolerance means that [no behavior]... should ever cause us to react with hateful communications or unkind actions."
-- Dallin H. Oaks

oh amazon, you scare me.

2011-12-25T21:16:00.000-07:00

"I don't meant to throw this at you from left field, but..." - P.S. I Love You

today's great find:

Because, who doesn't need a watch with a naked woman being massaged by giant hands?

to all who celebrate,

2011-12-24T23:43:00.002-07:00

"At the focal point of all human history, a point illuminated by a new star in the heavens revealed for just such a purpose, probably no other mortal watched—none but a poor young carpenter, a beautiful virgin mother, and silent stabled animals who had not the power to utter the sacredness they had seen. Shepherds would soon arrive and later, wise men from the East. Later yet the memory of that night would bring Santa Claus and Frosty and Rudolph—and all would be welcome. But first and forever there was just a little family, without toys or trees or tinsel. With a baby—that’s how Christmas began." - Jeffery R Holland

happy festivus.

2011-12-23T17:04:00.001-07:00

perhaps you do not know what festivus is. if so, go here.

festivus for the rest of us!

i'm pretty self-centered.

2011-12-20T09:53:00.000-07:00

"If you were my kids, I'd punish you!" - The Little Rascals

My sweet visting teachers asked me when I was free this week. I told them all day today and tomorrow, Thursday after 6pm, or all day Friday.

They picked Thursday at 1pm...

When I explained that I'd be at work, they suggested meeting before church on Sunday.

On Christmas.

Am I mean for saying no?

explain this.

2011-12-19T01:01:00.003-07:00

"Instead of telling our young people to plan ahead, we should tell them to plan to be surprised." - Dan in Real Life

Reasons I need a therapist:
1. For the last four days I have been irrationally angry.
2. I have also cried over everything.
3. In the last 24 hours I have eaten an entire package of Oreos.
4. I smell hot glue everywhere I go.
and 5. None of the above symptoms can be blamed on PMS or pregnancy.

dream weaver.

2011-12-16T09:30:00.003-07:00

"They can't know the truth! The truth, you see, is bad! I will be branded with this mistake for the rest of my life! My children's children will walk down the street and people will point and say, 'Look! there goes the spawn of Flik, the Loser.'" - A Bug's Life

In my dream last night I was dancing with Liam Hemsworth. To a really good song.

I went on iTunes to purchase the song and searched for thirty minutes before I realized it was a dream and the song did not exist.

Rude.

Also, I had a dream Wednesday that I was chewing gum.

That was it. Just chewing gum.

My mind....

2011-12-15T18:56:00.005-07:00

"You know, some people say life is short and that you could get hit by a bus at any moment, and you have to live each day like it's your last. Bullshit. Life is long. You're probably not going to get hit by a bus, and you're going to have to live with the choices you make for the next fifty years." - I Think I Love My Wife

this is the part where you judge me in silence.

2011-12-13T01:03:00.000-07:00

"Happy Birthday!" - Cinderella

Maybe it makes me a thirteen-year-old girl, but I adore Taylor Swift.

I've been through a lot of heartache and drama the last two years, and several of her lyrics made me feel like I wasn't as alone or pathetic as I've felt.

So for that, I wish her the happiest of birthdays.

cozy.

2011-12-07T21:30:00.001-07:00

"How about making me vice president in charge of cheering you up?" - Charade

I need thick snowflakes to be falling outside of my window. It would make the fire, cup of hot cocoa, and book in my lap much more enjoyable.

Work on that, please?

dear facebook events,

2011-12-06T22:59:00.001-07:00

"I think you understand why I'm saying you're a total idiot." - Letters to Juliet

This whole 'maybe' option you've got going on--I've got a problem with it. It tells my friends I am okay with them being indecisive.

I'm not.

So, to ruin your life I have elected to personally address and mail out invitations to my Christmas party.

And you know, because it's more fun that way.

Facebook, you've taken the 'social' out of social-network.

Merry Christmas anyway.

my scent? like making love to a lumberjack.

2011-12-04T19:27:00.001-07:00

2011-11-29T19:21:00.001-07:00

people are always saying there's plenty of fish in the sea.
what they don't tell you, is how hard it is to trust that the next fish won't sell you to a shark like the last one.

i'm jealous of a man's hair.

2011-11-29T02:11:00.001-07:00

stranger than fiction.

2011-11-28T01:01:00.001-07:00

black friday.

2011-11-25T00:47:00.001-07:00

"I got a dollar, I got a dollar, I got a dollar! Hey, hey, hey, hey!" - The Little Rascals

We went to Walmart. Chaos, injuries, traffic jams. Left empty handed after forty minutes of searching for what we wanted.

Then we went to Target. In thirty minutes from when the doors opened I had collected all my desired items [Seasons 1 and 2 of Modern Family and a blow-dryer], checked out and driven home. Thirty minutes.

All because Target is organized, controlled and rewards people for standing in line.

Thank you and goodnight.

Happy shopping!

happy black-friday-aka-first-day-christmas-celebrations-are-acceptable day.

2011-11-25T00:01:00.000-07:00

"Happy Thanksgiving, back..." - You've Got Mail

happy thanksgiving!

2011-11-24T10:43:00.001-07:00

"That's the end of the parade, anyway. There's nothing else to see except guys cleaning up horse poop, and that doesn't thrill me at all." - Miracle on 34th Street

Today, I am thankful that unlike every single one of my friends, my siblings did not forget about me once they got engaged/married.

oh, no.

2011-11-21T16:44:00.001-07:00

2011-11-19T14:56:00.001-07:00

well, my no-boys-allowed night was a total bust.

2011-11-19T04:02:00.001-07:00

"Your life is so PG-13." - Crazy, Stupid, Love

I hate being the third wheel when people are in that new, flirty, were-not-a-couple-but-we-act-like-it phase. Especially when it's two in the morning.

You want to be alone. Everyone knows you want to be alone. No one cares that you want to be alone. So just be alone. I don't want to be there to awkwardly supervise.

Okay?

Thanks.

de-tox friday.

2011-11-18T00:37:00.001-07:00

I'm having an no-boys-allowed day.

Except for Ben and Jerry and Jimmy... they're the forever exception.

This book and I have a date:

not to worry, I simply love the author and like to have such knowledge stored before it becomes necessary.

new girl fans.

2011-11-16T12:09:00.001-07:00

Are you as in love with Justin Long's character as I am?

I love Nick too, but Paul is just so cute...

basically, all my poems are about one boy.

2011-11-15T22:55:00.001-07:00

"As always, this is as good as it's going to get." - The Princess Diaries

when his lips part into a grin,
sunshine flows through the cracks;
your cheeks blush with the warmth,
air seems refreshed as if after rain.

when he releases his thoughts,
the wind stills and flowers straighten;
your breath is held, so each syllable
is held captive within your mind.

when his arms enfold you,
the earth's spinning ceases;
you comprehend safety in that instance,
pictures are filed into memory.

when a bubble of his laughter escapes,
the lion and the lamb sleep;
your wrinkles deepen beautifully,
no far-away vacation could compete.

when he is seen in any light,
you unconsciously react.

devin dunn

2011-11-14T22:55:00.001-07:00

"I just wanted to say that I'm sorry things didn't work out with that guy. And you know, right now you should get in touch with the child within, explore your feminine side, and um you know -- don't start eatin' cookies and cake and stuff like that. Because, you'll blow up like my aunt Robertta. And you deserve better than that."
-While You Were Sleeping

good news.

2011-11-14T15:20:00.001-07:00

I listened to this song during my run today.

I was not attacked by a wolf.

Miracles happen every day kids.

Though I was chased by a dog for a while... but that was all in fun.

"...the things you're scared of are usually the most worthwhile." - Chasing Liberty

dear body,

2011-11-11T13:55:00.001-07:00

Remember how this morning we were going to be in an audition?

And then we were going to drive far away to a land of happiness and spend the weekend with friends?

So why exactly did you decide to make me violently ill this morning?

I can deal with missing the first, but dang it all! I will not miss the second.

"Over my dead body." - Beethoven

This is what is about to happen: We're going to go downstairs and eat something. We will not get dizzy. We will not fall down the stairs. Our mouth will chew and swallow. We will not throw up anything afterward.

You can do this. I believe in you.

Ready? Set. Go!

the secret to digging yourself out of dispair.

2011-11-08T23:39:00.001-07:00

"Everything in here is a chi blocker. You can't emotionally process things if your chi is congested." - Catch and Release

A month or so ago, I told you about how I wasn't happy and hadn't been for a while.

I started by being honest. Then I made some realistic goals.

From the beginning I knew what was missing. There is however, something about darkness that is comforting; so I didn't do anything to change that.

Until a few days ago. I lost my mind.

In a fit of anger I began to pray. [Machine-gun sobs, fist-pounding my pillow and moaning made it appear as more of tantrum.] Nevertheless, God heard my heart.

He responded that He knew, that I knew, what I was doing wrong.

So I read my scriptures. I went to church. I listened. I learned.

On Sunday, I felt the holy spirit for the first time in months. During Sunday School, I realized that life is like a race. You have to keep fighting until the finish line.

My problem was -- the race got exhausting and my muscles were much too fatigued to move on, so I stopped -- I forgot that I was running a relay race. Christ was there waiting the whole time for me to give Him the baton, but I was too stubborn to let Him take over.

And all in that instance I let go. Of my pain, of the past, of disappointment. And I let in light.

[via]

Yesterday I let in a little bit more.

Today, I let in even more light and took the opportunity to light someone else a bit too. It was glorious.

I feel revived.

I hope that you find your happy place too. Maybe for you it's not Christ, but whatever your happy place is, I hope you find it and that it lasts.

coveting.

2011-11-07T12:54:00.002-07:00

I want her hair. I want her voice. I want her dress.

I want to make out with him, even though he looks like he's twelve. [And something is weird about his right eyebrow...]

"What's a Christmas-gram? I want one!" - Elf

shake your groove thang.

2011-11-06T01:11:00.001-06:00

"Can you hear that, sir? Can you hear the music?" - 13 Going on 30

my views from tonight.

karma.

2011-11-05T13:28:00.004-06:00

A time of tribulation has come. A test, the final test, is at hand. - Children of the Corn

Tonight is a football game.

I'm not too into sports. I enjoy watching live, but never really care who wins.

Except today.

Boise State had better make me proud tonight.

If you know why this game has suddenly given me a zest for football, and are on my side, then we are real friends.

On an unrelated note, go here. It will make you giggle.

choose.

2011-11-04T01:40:00.002-06:00

"I need you to stop being nice to me unless you're going to marry me." - He's Just Not That Into You

an introduction
or
a reunion?

grazing a crush's hand while walking side-by-side
or
the firm hug of the only person who knows you inside/out?

the scent of a new baby
or
smelling an old, family-recipe in the oven?

unsure possibilities
or
finite history?

new
or
old?

uncharted
or
familiar?

fight
or
surrender?

sacrifice the past
or
stop believing in a future?

Why is it so hard to stop remembering and start creating?

to the men of my little city.

2011-11-01T22:07:00.004-06:00

"I had a talk with myself about that. Turns out, I'm okay with it." - Prom

I'm addicted to ICEE's. They taste like love.

I get them regularly.

And something about the particular location where I purchase them, draws in gentlemen. There is always one there, and they always open the door for me.

Every time I am surprised, and grateful.

They may be the real reason I buy so many ICEE's...

pumpkins.

2011-11-01T21:56:00.001-06:00

"What about the jack-o-lantern?" - Halloween

I started with a 43 pound pumpkin and a 10 pound pumpkin.

I ended with a 40-pound, mafia pumpkin and a 6-pound, surprised pumpkin.

For spontaneity and only a couple of hours' work, I'd call it a success.

The rest of my Halloween consisted of a Mrs. Claus costume, extra tips, and passing out candy to three giant potatoes.

Oh, and I ordered this Mary-Kate and Ashley sweater.

How was your holiday?

signs of the up-swing.

2011-10-30T01:32:00.000-06:00

"Oh! I've been there, thank you. I found it quite lovely." - Hocus Pocus

Today I noticed happiness returning.

One reason is that I've begun posting on Facebook again. Funny things that receive comments and likes. Not that the number of notifications are what make me happy; they're showing me that I am laughing again. It had been a while since I'd laughed.

Another reason is that I was disappointed when someone cancelled their plans with me. In the past few months, I would have been thrilled for another chance to be alone and wallow in self-pity.

A third reason I can tell I'm becoming happier is that when said plans were cancelled, I accomplished something. Pumpkin picking and carving.

This happiness thing, it's quite lovely. I think I'll keep it around.

how have i not discovered ingrid michaelson before?

2011-10-27T23:46:00.001-06:00

I want a snowfall kind of love
The kind of love that quiets the world
I want a snowfall kind of love
Cause I'm a snowfall kind of girl

I want a snowfall kind of love
That lights up the sky from below
I want a snowfall kind of love
That brings people to their window

Won't you bury me in your quiet love?
Oh bury me in your quiet love
Oh bury me in your quiet love
And we will blow away

I want a snowfall kind of love
The kind of love that keeps you in bed all day
Oh I want to look through with you
And watch it all melt away

Won't you bury me in your quiet love?
Oh bury me in your quiet love
Oh bury me in your quiet love
And we will blow away

awkward moments as a pizza delivery driver.

2011-10-27T17:59:00.000-06:00

Flies are everywhere, it smells like poo.

The employees are speaking Spanish to each other. I have no idea what they're saying, which makes me feel like it's about me.

One leaves to go get money, the other proceeds to tell me:

"You have beautiful smile." Wink "You beautiful girl." Pause "You have beautiful smile; very white teeth." Pause where again, I say nothing "You single?"

"Yes, I am." Idiot, you should have said no.

"I can have your number?"

Look away. Act like you couldn't understand. Oh good, the other guy is back to pay.

"16.82 is your total."

He hands over a $20. I hand back three dollars in change. Phew, now I can escape. "Have a nice day!"

Complimentor follows me to my car. "You beautiful girl. I can call you some time? You drink?"

"Thank you. Um, no I don't drink."

"What, no beer? We go out for a beer."

"I don't drink, I'm Mormon. Sorry."

"That's okay, we do something else. I can have your number now?"

Then, because no one ever trained me on how to say no to people...

...I gave it to him. Head in hands.

His name is Lupe.

He's called me three times.

I have not answered.

resentment.

2011-10-26T02:10:00.001-06:00

"I guess if you cut me, I'd bleed ink." - The Ghost and Mr. Chicken

your lips outlined the requirements.
my brain recorded them.
your brain did not.

i meticulously followed each rule.
you failed to notice.
i continued.

you were never ashamed of me.
i mistook it for affection.
you tolerated.

i purposely left her in the dark.
you only asked her.
i closed.

you quit participating in my life.
i rearranged for yours.
you expected.

i needed support and comfort.
you asked for more.
i gave.

you expected, asked and received.
i remained patient.
you changed.

i was used, then discarded quickly.
you wrongly assumed sadness;
i exhaled.

everyone else called you insane.
i did not argue.
you lost.

2011-10-23T23:16:00.000-06:00

really, grey's anatomy?

is it that important to you that i cry in every episode?

i wish i hated you.

happy birthday to john krasinski.

2011-10-20T02:58:00.000-06:00

I'm sad that I'm not your wife, but I hope you have a happy birthday anyway.

tear your heart from your brain; let each do it's job.

2011-10-20T00:29:00.002-06:00

she spent so much time going over each detail,

searching for that moment everything changed.

she thought that if she found the turning point,

her mind would relax and peace could return.

instead, she was reminding herself of failure;

constantly in search for a fixable fault within.

unaware of how damaging it was becoming,

she turned back pages; learning nothing new.

then a voice tore her heart from her brain,

so that each could do it's own job, and said:

time is for loving everyone in every way,

not for expecting each person to love you.

for if they choose to be apart from your love,

you certainly deserve a love stronger than theirs.

2011-10-19T13:44:00.000-06:00

"You've just become the most unattractive man
on the planet." - happythankyoumoreplease

goals. also known as the thinking out-loud post.

2011-10-18T14:18:00.000-06:00

"I'll be taking acting classes and become the next Miley Cyrus, yes I am." - Just Go With It

I have set about forty-million goals in my 21 years.

I have completed one of them.

Shameful applause can begin now.

Yep, on January first I made the goal to read twelve books in 2011.

As of today I have read fifteen.

This is miraculous for me, even if it seems pathetic to others.

---

I need another goal like this; something that will make me a better person, whilst not becoming too daunting.
Something realistic.

I could lose weight, I could write more, I could spend less time on the internet.
But to be honest, none of those get me excited. I recognize the benefits, sure. I just am not jumping for joy at the idea.

There have been times when I was happy. What was I doing then? Can I recreate it?

In one instance, I was in high school, surrounded by duties of being Editor-in-chief of the yearbook staff.

In another, I was surrounded by friends and church responsibility.

So it's obvious that I'm happiest when I'm busy. I'm happy when I don't have so much time to think.

I'm happy when I'm creating things on the computer; I'd rather edit a photo than take one. I enjoy layouts and design.

Why did I stop?

Oh, right. Because along the line, people told me I'd never make money.

Is that what life is about, though -- money?

I think my realism has turned a page. Because in this world, people who are passionate are the ones who make money. If I'm doing what I love, I'll work hard at it. And I'll become as successful as I allow myself to be.

So, I'm going to take some graphic design classes and possibly even declare it as my major.
A growth-enterprise or not.

recipe for tears.

2011-10-18T02:09:00.004-06:00

the dark lining is best removed in preparation;

it is sure to be washed away soon enough.

in some cases, corrective vision can be discarded;

for most, it simply hinders the process.

stretchable attire is a must, for the growth of souls

is easiest when the body can move alongside.

many recommend soft music; i do not.

in order for healing to come, prayer must follow.

and though god will always listen to your heart,

you'll need silence for your heart to hear him.

when the proper steps are taken, results are grand.

sleep is deeper, dreams become real,

the next morning becomes all the more bearable.

"Don't cry, ShopGirl." - You've Got Mail

to my subconscious.

2011-10-15T09:00:00.000-06:00

Please, dear mind, soak the following quotes in.
For, "I've made the most important discovery of my life." - A Beautiful Mind

"If you obsess about some defect, you make it obvious to everyone, and suddenly everyone is staring at just that defect. It's always like that. The more you hide something, the more it shows. But when you accept your defect, suddenly no one on earth sees it anymore. In fact, it becomes an asset."
-- Audrey Tautou

via

"You cannot protect yourself from sadness without protecting yourself from happiness."
-- Jonathan Safran Foer

via

"Happiness is the consequence of personal effort. You fight for it, strive for it, insist upon it, and sometimes even travel around the world looking for it. You have to participate relentlessly in the manifestations of your own blessings."
-- Elizabeth Gilbert

via

"The place where you are right now, God circled on a map for you."
-- Hafiz

via

"You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection."
-- Buddha

via

"All great deeds and all great thoughts have a ridiculous beginning." - Albert Camus

via

"Friendship with oneself is all-important, because without it one cannot be friends with anyone else in the world."

-- Eleanor Roosevelt

2011-10-14T23:29:00.003-06:00

"I'm usually a lover not a fighter, but in your case, I'm willing to make an exception."
- The Little Rascals

if only i could marry joshua radin's voice.

2011-10-14T14:28:00.000-06:00

spoken word poetry.

2011-10-12T03:05:00.002-06:00

a nauseating girl-power post.

2011-10-11T02:30:00.000-06:00

Alright.The first step on my road to happiness is complete.

I have tied up loose ends; I have said words that were left unsaid.

I had needed to quit being friends with one boy and to let a different boy know I'm worried we won't be friends.

Boys. They are a problem.

My one true ambition is to be a 1950's housewife.

Feminists of the world, feel free to scorn me.

Some girls want to be doctors, teachers, lawyers, politicians. -- which is beyond wonderful!

I'm just not one of them.

I am happiest when in a clean kitchen making something delicious. [Before you tell me I should be a chef, I will add that I am not that good and that I don't want to work nights and weekends forever.]

The problem comes in because being a housewife means I have to be married.

Marriage is kind of a two-party ordeal. I'm missing an essential half.

I am putting my life on hold expecting some flower-bearing, broad-shouldered, white-teethed man to show up on my doorstep.

Newsflash: never going to happen.

So what then?

I'm reminded of an article I read once. A woman asked the question, what is the difference between a married woman and a single one?

A husband.

That's it.

So, if I am miserable now a husband is not going to fix that.

If I'm insecure now, a husband is not going to fix that.

Happiness comes from inside; no one can else can give or take it away from you.

I need some goals that just involve me. That I can actually accomplish.

And if someday an attractive male-model does in fact want to marry me, I will say yes. Until then,
I have to start focusing on what I can have not just what I want.

I can be happy. I will be happy. No one else can change that. No one else will change that.

Me. Myself. I.

"Thanks Oprah." - Something Borrowed

Now, we've just got to get ourselves some realistic goals.

if i'm not wearing shabby apple, i'd rather go naked.

2011-10-10T22:30:00.000-06:00

"What good is it being appreciated if no one is naked?" - 27 Dresses

Next month I'm going to a wedding for two good friends.
I need both of these Shabby Apple dresses.

I also need both of these skirts.

Okay let's face it, I want everything from Shabby Apple.
Have you seen their new line of belts? Adorable.

And these shoes?

I die.

What to pick, what to pick?

2011-10-10T19:34:00.000-06:00

to my best friend and therapist.

2011-10-10T14:12:00.001-06:00

Seven months ago we made a deal:

I would put names into a fish bowl, I would draw one out, and that is the girl you would marry.

You agreed.

I don't know if you remember the day I gave you that name... I do.

You were distraught -- one of the only times I had ever seen you less-than put together. You were concerned that patterns in your relationship history were a prediction of the future. You voiced a concern that you were destined to be alone. You weren't sure if you could be the type of guy to fall in love with a girl who would also fall in love back.

I drew a name, but it wasn't one that could be your wife. That, I knew.

So I lied.

I gave you the name of a girl whom you had always thought highly of, but had never pursued. A girl I knew you'd act upon. A girl who needed a man like you.

When I told you her name, you promptly began flirting.

Soon after you began dating.

Yesterday, you told me you had proposed.

And while it stung that I was not among the first to hear, I am happy to see that your fears were not realized.

I'm happy your pattern was broken, and by a girl whom I adore.

I'm happy you are happy. Because of anyone in the world, you deserve that.

"It's amazing the clarity that comes with psychotic jealousy." - My Best Friend's Wedding

I can't count the times you have saved me from despair and given me hope. I can't count the kind words you've sent my direction. I can't count the hours you spent listening to my dramatized stories.

But, I can remember almost every brutally honest thing you've told me; how right you always were. And how often it was your brutality that was secretly comforting, and always saving.

I'll admit, I have never been as good of a friend to you as you have to me. I apologize for that. But, I hope it's enough to just be happy that you are happy.

I only regret not being there to see it, first-hand.

And hopefully, in the midst of your happiness and love we can maybe still be friends.
That'd be good.

I'll add that I asked your (now) fiance, long before you began dating if she'd be okay with this. She said yes. I am holding her to that.

Much love,
Kari

to the boy who broke up with me.

2011-10-10T08:04:00.000-06:00

I think you are a great guy. That's why I dated you. But...

Every time you started to talk about our relationship in a serious manner, you would compare me to your ex.
She had her plans and her ideas, and she would never change a thing for you. You hated it, and told me over and over that that is the reason you broke up; that you wanted to be someone's plan.

So every day I tried to be that for you.

You had an event, I got off work.
You had a party, I got off work.

At one point, you started applying for jobs. For me. Because I needed to be more available to you.

This coming January we'll have known each other for three years. Being as I have liked you since pretty much the day we met, that means that I've also been available to you for that long.

I've been there for every graphic design triumph and every graphic design failure.
I've been there to make you cookies, and applaud your cooking.
I've been there to dutifully give you compliments when you asked for them.
I've been there for every bad day.
I've been there for each vehicle purchase.
I've been there each time you needed a last-minute date.
I've been a text away for two and a half years.

The second I realized I had changed every part of my life to fit into yours -- when you never even considered stretching for me -- I about hurled.

I changed my phone number. I changed my blog address. I quit writing and baking and singing and dancing and everything else that made me happy.

And today, I realized that I'm an idiot.

My way of defying you was exactly the same as being there for you.

I was letting you determine my choices.

I'm done with that.

Today. Today, you are gone because I want a man who will be alone with me. A man who will ask me how my day was, and listen. I want a man who will notice when I do things for him.

I know none of this was intentional on your part. I don't think you're a bad guy.

I just think you're bad for me.

I've never said that before...

You are bad for me.

I'm making a choice today that I deserve to have someone who cares about me, and that you will never be that man.

And whatever the rumors are, they have nothing to do with me.

Although you are a good friend, I need to put the past behind me. And because you chose to be placed in the past, I need you to stay there.

"It's hard enough to open your heart in this world. Don't make it harder." - The Kids Are All Right

the beginning is no longer.

2011-10-09T19:45:00.000-06:00

"Yeah, everyone from work went to T.G.I. Friday's, but I don't really like that place. Or anyone I work with." - Failure to Launch

A wise person once reminded me that I need to do the things that make me happy, in order to be happy.

One of them is writing.

But a disclaimer is that, sometimes writing about negative things provides such a release that I'm able to become happy afterwards.

Publishing words onto this blog practically releases them from my head, rarely to be drawn upon again.

Because many of the people who read my blog know me personally, I need you to forget that you know me.

When reading for the next little while I need you to be an impartial reader, and not a 'helper' or a 'repeater.'
[Don't think you need to take care of me. You don't need to tell anyone else about what I write here, either.]

I recognize that the depressing nature of the honesty I'm about to release, may bore some and annoy others.
If that is the case, I implore you to read no further.

I am not currently a happy person; I haven't been for several months now. Since I started this blog with the sole purpose of having a funny, happy place for people to enjoy, I have simply taken to posting rarely and only things I've felt you would enjoy.

I have also held back a lot of feelings for your benefit. I am no longer doing that.

Because today, I decided I am not going to try to make people happy anymore. I need to be happy, to be whole. And then, my sincere choices should naturally allow others to be happy with me.

I do hope you'll stick around through this journey. Perhaps, we'll both learn a little bit.

i guess i had hoped my life would end like some kind of wonderful.

2011-10-09T16:22:00.001-06:00

"Well, that's very nice. I'm glad. Well here's... here's the point, Andie. I'm not particularly concerned with whether or not you like me, because I live to like you and... and I can't like you anymore. "
- Pretty in Pink

unlucky duckling.

2011-10-07T16:23:00.001-06:00

"Thank you for making me a part of this..." - A Muppet's Christmas Carol

Something about the fact that my Miracle on 34th Street, the musical, audition is on 11/11/11 at 11:00 makes me apprehensive.

That's a lot of number ones working against me.

Also, I need help.

I have to sing excerpts from two Broadway musicals, one up-beat and one a ballad.

I'm attempting to get a part reserved for a woman twice my age, so the content needs to be somewhat mature -- eg. not 'Popular.'

Also, I am a second soprano; the range cannot be super high or low.

Ready, set, make decisions for me.

i'd apologize, but...

2011-10-04T23:05:00.001-06:00

"Frankly my dear, I don't give a damn." - Gone With the Wind

I've gone back to my old url.

Whoop dee doo.

I changed initially for personal reasons.

I changed back for personal reasons.

Made no sense to you either, did it?

Awesome.

because i needed to laugh.

2011-10-02T02:48:00.000-06:00

you only need to watch the first 45 seconds.

2011-09-30T23:49:00.003-06:00

"There are days I drop words

of comfort on myself

like falling leaves and remember

that it is enough

to be taken care of by myself. "

Brian Andreas

via

late-night craving.

2011-09-29T01:52:00.002-06:00

rain. swiftly tapping
on my window, a lullabye.

pumpkin. sweetly infecting
my lungs with its autumn scent.

tears. tickling down
my cheek, watering my soul.

whispers. a man
drowning my ears with adoration.

fall. i crave
the descent into love and serenity.

**please note, the description of tears watering the soul was stolen/borrowed from the lovely meg. all other words are my own.

i need to make this happen.

2011-09-28T23:46:00.004-06:00

"Favorite New York moment?" ... "This one's climbing the charts." - Serendipity

Oh, how I wish I had the money in my bank account to complete this transaction.

The Today show.

Late Night with Jimmy Fallon.

Serendipity sundaes.

Bloomingdales.

Stalking 30 Rock to glimpse Tina Fey.

Museum of Modern Art.

It would be perfect, children!

I'm going to go, if it's the last thing I do.

jump start.

2011-09-28T14:24:00.001-06:00

"This is my house; I have to defend it." - Home Alone

Yes, I am fully aware it is September.

I am aware that two major holidays are previous to the one I have begun celebrating.

But, dang-it, Christmas music makes me happy.

Deal.

Also, Christmas movies make me happy.

the office season premiere.

2011-09-23T12:44:00.000-06:00

Tell me you screamed for joy when you saw that my future husband was promoted!!

I am so happy for Andy. I just love him.

"Don't know, super care."

And that gray suit he was wearing?
So attractive.

And then Pam at the end, "It's probably stupid... No. It's beautiful. I'm going to frame it."

it's funny, because it's true.

2011-09-23T12:11:00.000-06:00

"Little surprises around every corner, but nothing dangerous." - Willy Wonka & the Chocolate Factory

Actual conversation with my mother:

Mom: It's funny how the people who preach tolerance and acceptance the most, don't practice it; they just want it to apply to them.

Me: coughMormonscough

Mom: Yep. And most conservatives.

** My mom and I are Mormons and conservatives, which is why this is funny. But last night we basically both admitted that we are guilty of intolerance. Though it doesn't change our beliefs; this conversation sparked a debate on what we can do to actually practice what we are saying.

It goes perfectly with my Sunday School lesson last week, [which I butchered -- see this video,] where we covered the book of Romans.

The apostle Paul is such an excellent teacher, and his letter to the Romans -- the longest of his epistles -- is my favorite.

Go read it, and remember to respond with love in all that you do.
"...now it is high time to awake out of sleep: for now is our salvation nearer than when we believed."
- Romans 13: 11
"Owe no man any thing, but to love one another..."
- Romans 13: 8

too much information.

2011-09-22T19:12:00.004-06:00

"...this is one of those moments in life when it's possible you can be really, genuinely cool -- and I'm failing one hundred percent." - Notting Hill

Awkward fact of the day:
When at my computer for any length of time, I find my left hand resting on my boob.

Normal people find their hand resting on their face or their leg -- anywhere normal -- not me.

conflict of opinions. an extremely depressing post.

2011-09-21T21:27:00.000-06:00

"I did call Slurpee Heaven. They didn't want you; heard you had attitude. Said you weren't 'Slurpee material.'" - Two Weeks Notice

I miss being away at college.

Midnight slurpee runs.
Sunday dinners.
DVDs of Friends always playing in the background.
Games.
Brownie wars.
Flinging whipped cream in the air and trying to catch it in our mouths.
Church.
My therapist visiting me during his lunch break.
The boys of 7f and their story-telling abilities.

Some days here are good. Others are not so good.

On the good days, I celebrate with a slurpee and start up an episode of Friends.

On the bad days, I do the same.
Except I pretend that Blake is asleep in the corner, waking up every time the theme song plays. I pretend Kayla is cutting someone's hair in the kitchen. I pretend Jess is in her footie pajamas being infectiously happy. I pretend Jessie has just gotten home from work and is telling me stories of shirtless men. I pretend Landon is at his house playing video games; ignoring my obnoxious text messages.

I've been pretending a lot these days.
It is getting harder.

My phone is non-functional at the moment. And though a new one will be in my hands soon, it is more difficult than I imagined. These memories seem so much farther away when I don't have the ability to shoot these people a quick text.

I need a hug. Or seventeen.

2011-09-18T23:37:00.004-06:00

when the layers subside
and the fortune is empty
the pigment of our days
will echo pure

and i will be nowhere if not with you

- kylie johnson

2011-09-16T01:00:00.001-06:00

"That's what's wrong with you. You should be kissed,
and often. And by someone who knows how."
- Gone With the Wind

innocence.

2011-09-13T23:46:00.001-06:00

"Even though this is clearly impossible, it's amazing." - The Lake House

I have weird dreams.
Most of which are hilarious.

This one, I hesitated in sharing. But I've tested it out on a few subjects, including my mom, and was met with approval.

Just trust me, it is appropriate in the end. Also, this is a real dream I had a few weeks ago. No embellishments added.

I was a bride--

the new wife of a muscular, broad-shouldered hunk.

It was the wedding night; I was cautious as I entered the room.

It was dark inside, though several candles were lit.

I distinctly remember the room was my old bedroom up at school -- complete with a lifted twin bed.

On top of the bed in a model-esque pose, was my new husband. Naked.

Except that, much like in television, there was a blurred box over everything personal.

Then, he held me close and we talked of puppies until I fell asleep.

no sleep tonight.

2011-09-12T01:17:00.001-06:00

"Is that how you want to play it, Brooke? Because I can play it like that. I can play it like Lionel Richie, 'all night long.'" - The Break-Up

actual conversation going on outside my window tonight.

boy: why are you walking away from me again?
girl: if you want me to stay, try saying something else.

boy: what does that even mean?
girl: stop acting like this.

girl gets in car and slams the door. starts the engine.
approximately thirty seconds later, turns the car off.

boy: i don't understand what is happening. you do this all the *$#%&*# time.
girl: i'm sick of having this same fight over and over again.

boy eerily begins to fake cry.
girl says something that appears to be consoling, mixed with 'iloveyou, but...'

all ninja-like, i creep to the window and peer out. he is standing behind her car so she cannot back out of the driveway. cleverly classy.

she exits the car. couple sits in silence for ten minutes.

lots of mumbling -- excuse me, but how am I supposed to blog your exact conversation?
stupid neighbors.
in short, it sounds like he's winning the lottery letting that one walk away.

boys, always date girls that can at least put into words what they want.